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May 2004

From “Embedded” to “in bed with”

by Mark Steyn

Six figures in masks enter the Office of Special Plans in Washington. They greet each other under portraits of Leo Strauss:

COVE: … and this ignoramus writer says to me “The father of the neocons invented blue jeans?” I was embarrassed for him. “Leo,” I said, “you pecker. Not Levi. Leo Strauss.”

DICK: Gentlemen, gentlemen, settle down. I’d like to call this meeting of the Office of Special Plans to order. Rum Rum, how does it look?

RUM RUM: We are currently sufficiently deployed, locked and loaded, cocked and ready, champin’ at the bit, poised for engagement, steady ready Freddy.

DICK: Excellent. How’s the coalition building?

RUM RUM: Slow, but good news. Luxembourg is in. As to the rest of them—Germany, France, Russia—I say, fuck ’em.

PEARLY WHITE: Double fuck France. Well, I can’t spea ...

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Mark Steyn’s most recent book is America Alone: The End of the World As We Know It (Regnery)
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This article originally appeared in The New Criterion, Volume 22 May 2004, on page 37
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