Jun 01, 2006 04:00 PM
by James Panero
We received this note from the actor and presidential candidate Michael Moriarty in response to our post "Romancing the Stone":
To the Editor,COL. KURTZ LIVES!
When the New Criterion blog likened me to Col. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, based on Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, the missing piece of the puzzle fell into place.
From my Catholic perspective, the initial heart of darkness was the desire of the 12th-century Illuminati to defy the Catholic Church’s warnings about the Devil, a passion of the possible anti-Christs of Intellectual Supremacy to “throw a finger” at all Popes and just haul its eventually Post-Modern ass up into the hills to have a powwow with Lucifer.
The hero of this courageous entry into the universe’s heart of our supposed enemy is Col. Walter E. Kurtz, played by a very fat Marlon Brando.
Our Lord Christ had a powwow with the Devil in the wilderness, lasting 40 days and 40 nights – as long as the Flood in which Noah rescued the animals two by two.
At any rate, there’s Kurtz, with his little contingent of guerrilla fighters, in the jungles of Cambodia and… well, you know the story.
Director Francis Ford Coppola reinserted Brando’s improvised aria back into the re-release entitled Apocalypse Now Redux. Haven’t seen it yet. I will. However, with Brando that fat, I have a hunch this acting titan’s real message to Mr. Coppola, Hollywood and the human race still dominates his performance as Col. Kurtz.
Brando might be saying: “Despite what the Post-Moderns are telling you, the human race is not too fat! That Mao Zedong put China on a diet by starving 30 million Chinese to death and butchering all children through full-term abortion… I am here to tell the Deadly Buddha Mao that neither he nor the human race needs to go on a diet. What Mao will have to say about that, I don’t know yet.”
Well, we know Kurtz never gets to Beijing, don’t we? The Post-Modern, American liberal hero played by Martin Sheen was sent to put a stop to Kurtz’s Long March up to Mao’s palace, because the would-be American Mao Bill Clinton likes the idea of keeping the human race on a forced diet.
Sure, I’m jumping timeframes here… Hollywood writer/creator/assholes do it all the time. However, we are into SYMBOLS here, which means we are into ETERNITY. Just ask the soul of Joseph Campbell or his disciple, the great writer/creator George Lucas, who knows all too well that America is fighting STAR WARS NOW! On Earth!
When in Eternity, at least if you’re Catholic, and you think universally and not globally in the way Clinton does, it’s really all about the war between the Christ and the anti-Christ, Cain and Abel, Hitler and Churchill, Mao and the Free World. So, eventually you’re going to have to pick one of those two foxholes to jump into, or you’ll get caught in the crossfire!
This is where it gets interesting. Clinton and his Third Way is offering a Third Alternative to Jesus Christ and Mao the anti-Christ. The real Emperor of this Third Alternative Empire is not Clinton. No, “Slick Willy” and his Barbie Doll wife Hillary are just preaching for the Emperor… who happens to be the very well-kept secret Sir Francis Galton, the founding father of a virtual religion called Eugenics. Why he’s been in hiding so long is because his progenitors, the basically Liberal contingent among the 12th-century Illuminati, have remained a secret society for over 800 years. If you don’t believe me, go see the grand debut, the coming-out party for the secret society, a film called The Da Vinci Code, which just opened to lukewarm reviews at the Cannes Film Festival last week.
The entire human race has been made afraid of both the Christ AND the anti-Christ, Mao Zedong.
What better way to exploit that situation? Exploitation is the liberals’ rule of thumb ever since their scummy operation began in fin de siècle Vienna, where Theodore Herzl’s solution to the post-French Revolutionary madness in Europe was a secular state of Israel, which the Jews could run to in order to get out of the line of fire between the Eternal Christ and the Eternal anti-Christ. Yes, what more complete conclusion can there be to all this insanity than that of Sir Francis Galton, whose 19th-century book titled Hereditary Genius says that (and I paraphrase): “All this death you see going on? And all the threats of death from the Pan-German, soon-to-be Nazi movement, all the killers and assassins of Lenin, it’s all telling us something, isn’t it? Man is obliged to decimate itself… I use the generic neuter pronoun so as not to offend anyone in the Post-Modern audience. Humanity must boil itself down into a Superhuman Race because of the most implacable law of nature we know: survival of the fittest. Why not be progressive about it?” Calm down, Sir Francis… you’re usually so logical about everything. You’re beginning to sound like your preacher boy Clinton, telling us he “never had sexual intercourse with that woman!”
“Shut up, Moriarty! Why not start picking up the tempo of human evolution? We’ll assemble in our genetic laboratories a composite of what would make the most perfect human being. We’d like to avoid atomic war because it would disfigure the appearance of the human race. Radioactivity, you know, makes us burn, although even this ugliness of peeling skin might be necessary to scare all of those aliens we’ll eventually face!”
What?
“Yes! There are obviously other life forms, perhaps more intelligent creations out there.”
Well, there’s our Father Almighty… I know that for sure.
“And you call yourself Col. Kurtz?”
Yes. That’s what I went to see Mao Zedong to find out.
“Mao believes in God?”
He does now. I went to him, in the same way Brando played Kurtz, as a Buddhist… I don’t have the Buddha Belly Brando has but… oh, well… Mao is still obliged to talk to Buddhists… skinny or fat… despite the fact that the Dalai Lama can’t return to Tibet. Well, there we are, the anti-Christ Mao and a messenger for Christ, Col. Kurtz… an undercover Catholic. Not even my guerrilla force knows that… and I’m only telling you, Sir Francis, because, after your really knock-down Liberal plan of convincing the women you’ll build an A. S. Byatt-style beehive for them…
“A what?”
A. S. Byatt… you don’t know her? You’d better catch up on your reading. At any rate, Socialism is a beehive ecosystem. You wrap a crust around the entire human race with progressive taxation, see. Make Hillary think she’s running it as the Queen Bee, lie to her and say that eventually, with controlled selection in the abortion clinics, we’ll have more female bees in the hive than male bees, which is how it is in nature: the Da Vinci Paradigm of 1.618 females to every male… keep that going and say, in return, that all she has to do as the Queen Bee is serve up the drones to our Scientists when we want them. Are you alright, Sir Francis?
“Uh, yes… I’m fine… and, yes… it’s a sound plan.”
I thought you’d agree… at any rate, here I am with Mao the anti-Christ, telling him where things are going and that the Martin Sheen they sent to kill me was actually a preacher for the preacher of Sir Francis Galton. Sheen was playin’ Clinton on TV right up until last week… on that Presidential series The West Wing. Now I don’t know what a fat fuck like Coppola is doing telling a story where Sir Francis comes out on top! And Col. Kurtz has to die! All he lets Kurtz say is: “The horror, the horror.” Yeah, fucking Liberal scum, that Coppola. Let’s scare the human race, tell ‘em how impossible it is and then serve ‘em all up to the Dr. Joseph Mengele, right?
“Yes. So, what did Mao say?”
He said something like… and he’s seen Brit films, you know… he says: “So there’s a pretender to my throne, eh?” Yeah… that’s what he said. And I said: “Yes. Big time!” So he starts shifting in his armchair, same one he used to meet Kissinger with, and he says: “That will never be! Not a snowball’s chance in hell!” He loves some of our American slang too… he says it’s sometimes like Haiku… well, I tell him: “Mao, you know… you’re not gonna stop ‘im without my help. I’m the only guy who’s put this whole Liberal scummy scam together. What, are ya gonna drop a big one on Harlem? And he says: “Right now I’d love to.” That’ll get everyone’s ass in the soup, Mao. That’s more than a diet, you know! That’s a very quick bulemia.
“I’d appreciate it, Mr. Moriarty, if you’d cut to the chase. How did you convince Mao Zedong that there could possibly be a higher intelligence than our own in the universe?”
It’s night now, Sir Francis. Look up at the sky! See all that darkness up there?
“Yes.”
That’s the anti-Christ. That’s Mao… now! See all that light up there, those constellations? That’s Christ! That’s the whole face of God.
“And… where, my presumptuous young man… you ARE only one-fourth my age, you know… where do the geniuses of Man come into all of this?”
Depends on which foxhole they’re in.
“We’re in our OWN foxhole.”
Yeah, I know…and that’s YOUR problem, not ours.
“Oh! I understand now…YES! You bribed Mao! Didn’t you?”
Well, kind of…
“Told him you’d name all the darkness of the universe after him… just so long as he left the human race alone… yes, diabolical, that idea.”
Thank you.
“Well, it won’t work. Neither Mao nor his Politburo will fall for that idea!”
We’ll see. I’m going to be President of the United States… in about six years… after Hillary or Rudy Giuliani get through fucking things up for four years. Red China will go out with a bang. They’ll bring in Free China, give Mao his due, name the black holes out there in deep space after him and… leave the human race alone. Let the light of Christ lift us out of the clutches of the Friends of the American Mao, Bill Clinton, who fob off Sir Francis Galton and Eugenics as Man’s only hope for survival.
Well, I began this editorial with a nod to the New Criterion and if they know their beans, they’ll start fobbing me off to their readers in articles like this one. Well, not fob but… together, we’ll drive the Galtonites off our planet… well, at least out of the United States. Let their helium heads – after we overturn Roe v. Wade and have a Constitutional Amendment passed ordering the Supreme Court to live UP to the Declaration of Independence before they start their usual act of screwing around with the Constitution and the Bill of Rights – let the gaseous eggheads float across the Atlantic to Paris where they belong.
I’ll be around, Sir Francis, in case you want to talk again. It’s always a sure bet for another article in www.mmuuuhp.com, www.enterstageright.com or maybe even www.newcriterion.com. You’ll make it all that much easier, Sir Francis!