They made the news, the local couple and their lawsuit.
The verdict came down: intent. He’d “hurled a raw carrot”
during an argument; the orange root hit her right eye-
ball, rupturing it. He was in handcuffs, sorry-looking

as she showed the jury her prosthetic eye, removing it
from her head to hold in her hand. She said, “See
what he did to me?” Astonished, the twelve stared:
an eye was looking back at them from the palm

of her hand. In defense, the husband pleaded, “I
didn’t ‘hurl’ a mallet or a carving knife. Just a carrot.
Vegetables aren’t meant to harm. In fact, carrots are
supposedly good for the eyes.” A mistake, to have

joked. The jury turned against him, and Justice,
wearing a blindfold in order to weigh evidence
without prejudice, let the acrylic eye tip her scale.
Indicted by a carrot, he served two years in jail.

This article originally appeared in The New Criterion, Volume 27 Number 5, on page 35
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